5 ways to build positive relationships with students
Building positive relationships with students is the cornerstone of a healthy learning environment. Being able to show students that we really care for them and about them as individuals is essential in building these positive relationships. But how do we do this? How do we make sure that each student feels seen?
This post will give you 5 ways to help you build positive relationships with students by ensuring they feel loved and cared for.Â
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How to build positive relationships with students using the 5 love languages
We often talk about differentiating our teaching to meet student learning needs, however, I’ve never heard anyone talk about differentiating the way in which we show students we love and care for them. I believe this is key to building positive relationships with students in your classroom.
Chapman (2016) believes there are five key ways in which people care for others and want to be cared for. He calls these The Five Love Languages.Â
These include:Â
- Words of affirmation: a person likes to be told that they are loved and cared for in words.Â
- Gifts: some people feel loved and appreciated by receiving gifts.
- Time: refers to spending quality time with the people they love.
- Touch: is not referring to anything sexual, but rather other forms of physical contact.
- Acts of service: refers to a person feeling loved by the thoughtful actions of others.Â
While most people tend to favor one or two of these methods, using a range of these in the classroom will ensure that all students feel known and loved.Â
How to use the 5 love languages to
build positive relationships with students
Here are some suggestions for how you can implement these ‘Love Languages’ into your classroom:
Words of affirmation: praise students by telling them what a great effort they had put into a particular project or tell them how you appreciate the attention they paid to detail.
When they achieve something, be sure to tell them how proud you are of their commitment and perseverance.Â
It is important when using words of affirmation to also encourage a ‘growth mindset’ as coined by Professor C.S Dweck. Dweck (2010) encourages teachers to emphasise challenges and to praise hard work as opposed to praising success or ‘smartness’.
Gifts: In a classroom setting, students could be rewarded with lollies, stickers or merit awards.
For my senior Chemistry class, I made them ‘survival kits’ to help them get through their exams.
These don’t need to be expensive or lavish gifts. Rather, it is providing something concrete they can take away with them.Â
Below are some of my favourite affordable Amazon finds:
I thought my high school students might think these were lame but they love them! Now all their Macbooks are covered in these stickers.
If you’re a primary school teacher then these will go down a treat! I love that students can pick which design they want.
These are actually great for both primary and secondary students. Again I thought my high school students would think they were silly, but I was wrong!
Time: students whose love language is time may appreciate you taking the time to have a conversation with them or playing handball with them out in the playground.
Touch: showing a student you value them or congratulate them using touch appropriately could look like a handshake or a high five. I like both of these methods as it offers the student the opportunity to accept or decline if they don’t feel comfortable.
We know we have to be so careful in the ways we interact with students; I think these two options allow us to still meet our students’ needs while also protecting ourselves.
Acts of Service: Show a class you appreciate them by treating them with a particularly fun activity or educational game such as a kahoot or quizlet at the end of a lesson.
Show individual students you appreciate them by inviting them to help you perform a cool science demonstration or by allowing them to choose how they want to finish the lesson, where they want to sit, or who they want to work with.Â
How to build positive relationships with students in high school or middle school
Conclusion
Building positive relationships with students can be a daunting prospect. However, if you have an idea of the different ways people feel loved then it might help you to identify these in your classroom as well.
The 5 love languages provide us a great template for how we can use various methods in our classroom to ensure all students feel cared for and appreciated and therefore build positive relationships with students.
Comment below with your favourite way to build positive relationships with students in your classroom!
References
Chapman, G., 2015. The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, G., 2016. The 5 love languages of teenagers: The secret to loving teens effectively. Northfield Publishing.
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